Today, as I watch the swearing in of our 44th President, eating my tuna fish wrapped in a tortilla shell, my attention to this very great moment is diverted from the speech to the tuna sandwich… and how disgusted I am with the large, dry and bland tasting tortilla I am eating. Someone said, “hey, is that a pita?” to which I replied, “I wish.” Now, for those of you who don’t know, my first love, first real boyfriend and first husband was Mexican (yes, all 3 are the same person). So, for me, being able to tell a good tortilla from a bad one is a skill that I have honed over the years. It is very difficult to get me excited about Mexican food, as my ex-mother-in-law, Celia Amato Pina, was a PHENOMENAL cook and she completely and totally ruined me, at the tender age of 17, from ever enjoying Mexican food at any restaurant or anywhere else, except from her kitchen (the “Bell” is dog food). Not just Mexican food, mind you. She could make a bologna sandwich taste like it was a gourmet treat. Fresh cut Boar’s head with a little salsa, cilantro, jalapenos, tomatoes. lettuce, on one of the delicious continental rolls we used to get from Christopher Walken’s parents’ bakery. Yum. I would absolutely KILL for one of her green chile or mole chicken tamales right about now.
Anyway, even though I did my share of eating her food, she did teach me a few things. I can make a corn tortilla, I know how to assemble a tostada the proper way, I know how to eat chiles, and make both sweet and savory versions of fried plantain bananas. She didn’t teach me how to make flour tortillas, though. That’s because she is Mexican, born and raised. That is actually something I taught her how to do, as I learned how to make them (among other things) from a Tex-Mex gal I met in Biloxi MS as my new hubby trained at the Air Force base there. It is pretty easy, and if you eat the homemade kind, you will never eat another store bought one again (except for Trader Joe’s brand, which happens to be very good and handmade, too, btw).
Nevertheless, when that person asked me if I was eating a pita, and I said i wish it was, I realized something ….my disgust with these tortillas begin with the fact that they are only partially cooked. See, when you get a tortilla in a package, they are partially cooked. You are supposed to finish cooking them when you warm them up to eat them. That’s how tortillas are eaten, and even though they APPEAR to be cooked, they aren’t completely. They need a little more time in the griddle. So, every single tortilla made by my supermarket, my bagel store, my sandwich shop, my diner and any place else that makes them DOESN’T FULLY COOK THEM!!! YIKES!!! No wonder they taste funny (well, the preservatives and the other crap they put in them don’t add to the taste, I’m sure). What the hell!?!? Boy, oh boy, I bet Mexicans have a good laugh over that one.
Of course, now would be the time to mention that all of this leads to some thought provoking realization I have come to about Obama. It didn’t. I just happened to be eating the sandwich while I watched him speak, and perhaps the realization is that even at this great moment, my ADD jumps in and leads me to think about tortillas. So I thought and I thought to try to give you guys SOMETHING … the only correlation I could come up with is … potential …. thank God for him and thank God for today. The last 8 years have been absolutely TORTURE. And like the tortilla, all of you ignorants out there were very happy with your uncooked flatbread (ahem, GWB). I, on the other hand, was not, yet it took me many years to realize WHY I kept eating these horrible things and enjoying them less with every bite.I knew why I hated GWB, though, from the very first moment he stole the presidency away from Al Gore. Do you blame Clinton for “not being so nice” to him?? He should be glad he didn’t sock him, that opportunistic bastard. Goodbye, and GOOD RIDDANCE!!!
I am so happy this day has finally arrived. I wonder if half of the joy was for Obama, and the other half for getting rid of GWB. Well …. Congrats, Barack. You go do great things as I am sure you will. A lot of times people exclaim “he couldn’t be any worse,” to which someone will retort, “don’t say that.” Well, my friends, we have finally come upon a time in history where that could not POSSIBLY happen! Hopes are high and the promise of this young man takes me back to my memories of JFK’s inauguration. A lot of people say JFK didn’t do so much … but what he did was instill an immense amount of hope in the future generation, and even after his death, that hope lasted for many, many years, for some, to this very day. Right now, hope is what we need for this new generation of Americans…. more than ever. And if that’s all he ever does, I say, that’s a lot accomplished.
Kinda like the tortilla. It’s a lot better cooked, believe me.
But until these idiots figure this out, put my tuna in a pita next time. At least they’re fully cooked.